Why I Don't Believe In God [At Least Right Now]

it's a question i'm always asked, and i honestly become tired of answering. i guess being a non-religious bahamian really does scare the shit out of some people. so i'll treat this entry as a FAQ, so that hopefully i'll never have to answer this in as much detail again ._.



you couldn't have always been non-religious. what were you before?

-born, baptized and confirmed an anglican of st matthew's.

what made you question your faith?

-it's more of a whom than a what, but what did it for me was the sudden realization that i was just going through the motions of prayer and worship- basically it was a lack, or absence, of faith. you know that feeling when you're really only doing something to appease your parents, and you feel no joy or vindication in what you're doing? that's how i felt one day when i was 13 or so. the feeling never really went away.

so what happened then?

- over the years i kept my mouth shut about it. trying to talk to my parents about it only led to them becoming frightened and proceeding to shove the Bible down my throat as to why it was the right thing to follow. but what was lacking wasn't their conviction, b/c my parents are some of the most faithful persons i know. what was lacking was MY own conviction, and no amount of persuasion from them could fix that in me. i became aware that this was something i had to tackle on my own.

so as the years in high school went by, i found myself arguing with my religion teachers about the daily lessons- especialy when moral/ethical issues such as homosexuality and abortion came about. i couldn't understnad how people were so content on either swallowing everything they read and spewing it back up on command without any form of thought, or were fine with picking and choosing what they thought was right- a good example would be crying out against homosexuality, but ignoring the statement about loving everyone regardless of their sins, as we all aren't perfect.

those types of arguments always ended the same way- me being shushed by the Bible-thumping classmate or teacher. usually both. already aware of such hypocrisy in the country when it came to Bahamians' attitudes on Sunday and they way they behave otherwise [I know it's a stereotpye, but bear with me on that], i had resolved that if i never wanted to lump myself in the same group as those people.

the final stroke was finding in grade 10 a book on religion- it basically talked about the different world religions, cults, worldviews, etc, from a christian standpoint. it was there that i discovered what being an agnostic meant- sorta like a person on the fence, not sure what is right, what is wrong. someone who's faith isn't secure enough to say that they believe in an unseen deity, but insightful enough to know that atheism wasn't the right way to go either. i was 15 when i made the decision that agnosticism was the way to go.

ever think you might switch back?

-switch back to christianity? probably not. to an organized religion? maybe. one thing i realized as i did my soul-searching over those years is that i never needed religion to validate what i considered to be right or wrong. i strongly felt that i could live a moral, decent life, respecting the lives of others and accepting everyone faults and all, without having to do so because a book told me i have to or else i'd burn in hell, or something else of that nature.

it's not about faith for me, it's good ole fashioned common sense.

but what you said is pretty much what a christian is all about!

-fantastic, but since i lack that type of faith, i'll stay content with where i am for now :)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Final Leg

I sat down New Year's Day, after running myself ragged with sparkler-wars set off by my brother and our neighbour, when the reality finally hit me. Within the first half of this year, I will have a degree to my name.

Holy shit.

What am I going to do with myself?

Saturday, January 10, 2009